I don’t get it.  Spring break?  I don’t think so.  Those two words (put together) are not in the SAHM’s vocabulary.  At least not this SAHM.  No freaking way.  Nope.  Not in the slightest.

My week?  It’s already looking like a little slice of hell served on a dish.  Make that a platter, served by the devil himself.  I’m already dreading it.  This weekend won’t be so bad.  Tonight, my children are doing sleepovers.  I have my niece over spending the night with Big Girl, and they’ll be okay.  But Baby Girl is running a fever of 101.8 last time I checked (pre-Motrin), now she’s down (during Motring), but currently very moody (is it too early for PMS at 19 months old?).  The constant crying if I’m not holding her just adds a little background noise if I get bored, right?

Now, my son…he’s a whole different story himself.  Fresh off the bus, I notice he has on a different pair of pants than I sent him to school in.  And these sweatpants that do not belong to him are extremely over-sized, unbearably ugly and about to fall off his skinny little size tiny body.  Boy is in first grade, is six, and is turning seven this July.  My first thought is, “oh holy hell, he peed his pants at school.  Or worse, he took a dump in them.  WTF.”  So I say, “what happened to your pants, buddy?”  He said, “I just spilled something on my pants at school, that’s all.”  Whew.  What a relief.  At least I don’t have that kid.  You know.  That one.

Then I ask him if he wants to spend the night with his cousin for his birthday.  Let me remind you, Boy has major social anxiety.  He does not bode well in social settings, and his cousin does not attend the same elementary school he does.  So Boy will not know these children his cousin has coming over.  His cousin’s friends are not Boy’s friends.  This will cause a major disruption in Boy’s brain, and cause all kinds of electric currents to go off in his brain and things will be going haywire in there.  Good luck to my brother and his wife. When you flip out because you can’t find Boy because he’s done his normal flipping out and running and hiding, because he can’t handle the pressure of the social scene, odds are, he will be hiding under a bed, in a closet, or behind a piece of furniture.  Good luck to you.  Oh, and tell your sanity good riddance as well.  At least I sent him with his iPod, so he can FaceTime me when he needs to chat.  So, I expect no sleep tonight, because I will be on the phone with him nonstop.  He won’t want to leave, but he won’t want to get off FaceTime with me either.  I’m already smiling from the excitement.  Woo-hoo!  (Enter sarcasm here.)

Oh, here comes Big Girl asking if her friend can spend the night as well.  Yay me!

And did I forget to mention, I’m now the soccer coach for Big Girl’s soccer team?  Yep, yours truly is coaching her U8 soccer team.  And I don’t know one f’ing thing about soccer.  I know your supposed to stay on the field (and I now know it’s called a field, after I called it a court the other day and got told that it definitely was NOT a court – it was a field!) and I know you are supposed to try to kick it into the goal, and not use your hands.  That is the extent of my knowledge of soccer.  Beyond that, I know nothing.  So, good luck to me!  And with my luck, I’m not even starting at a young age, I’m starting where the parents are going to want a competitive coach and the kids probably know a lot, and have been playing for a couple years.  Where we are from, soccer is pretty big (at least in this county).  So I figure I’m going to spend most of my season being yelled at by my parents.  I haven’t gotten a chance to hold practice yet, because we were rained out this past week.  And next week (spring break) I will be out of town on our regularly scheduled practice night, and so will my assistant coach (my sister), so we are moving the practice to Tuesday nights, and the forecast is calling for rain.  Our first game is the following Saturday.  All with no practice it’s looking like.  WINNERS!

Back to spring break.  Here’s how mine is shaping up to be:


9am-12pm: Big Girl – soccer camp

6pm-7pm: Boy – boy scouts


9am-12pm: Big Girl – soccer camp

5:30pm-7pm: soccer practice (if it doesn’t rain)


9am-12pm: Big Girl – soccer camp

1pm-3pm: Big Girl’s friend’s birthday party

7pm – Maroon 5 concert in DC (and I have floor seats baby!! Best part of the week!  I get to see the man of my dreams Adam Levine!)

Big Girl has a sleepover


8am-8:30am – pick Big Girl up from sleepover

9am-12pm: Big Girl – soccer camp


9am-12pm: Big Girl – soccer camp

1pm – Take Big Girl and Baby Girl to my mom

3pm – Boy has psychiatric appointment at UVA (for his social anxiety – he has check-ups every two months)

Big Girl has another sleepover


2pm – Boy has counseling

sometime (haven’t gotten the schedule yet) our first soccer game


Easter – Family gathering – may require either Xanax or drinking.  Probably heavy drinking after the week I’ve had.  Or just a Xanax.  Who knows?  I guess time will tell.

my crazy calendar the week of spring break (and the rest of the month actually!)

my crazy calendar the week of spring break (and the rest of the month actually!)

Anyway, that is how my so-called “Spring Break” is looking – as of today.  I feel like everyday it’s changing, every day something new is happening and my calendar is growing and growing.  I was supposed to be heading to the beach for a relaxing vacation.  Doesn’t look so relaxing, now does it?  But then again, motherhood isn’t relaxing when you have three children ages 7 and under.


Last freakin’ week was a BUMMER!

What a freakin’ week I had last week.  It was a BUMMER.

Sunday 3/18/2012:

It started off with a phone call from my momma last weekend bright and early in the morning, “I’m heading to Baltimore.  Your cousin Brian committed suicide.”

Of course, the first words out of my mouth were, “Do I need to come up there?”

No, no I don’t, she tells me.  I don’t have to go.  They don’t know what’s happening yet.  They don’t know yet if there’s even going to be a funeral.  It all is still fresh, she doesn’t know much else, but she’s heading to Baltimore as soon as my aunt came in from Richmond.  They were riding together to head to Baltimore to hold my other aunt’s hand.  Poor woman.  I couldn’t imagine.  Her only son.  She is the one that found him hanging there, too.  I don’t know what I would’ve done.  But I do believe she’s braver than I am.  I don’t know that I’d still be walking if I were in that situation.

Tuesday night 3/20/2012:

(Hysterical sobbing coming through the front door)  “Ummm, she fell.”  Says one of neighborhood kids.

My poor Big Girl.  Bloody, messy road rash from around her eyebrow bone down to her chin.  Mouth pouring blood.  Hobbling on one leg.  Knee pouring blood too.  Wonderful.

The hysterical crying goes on for a good thirty minutes.  I can’t see inside her mouth, all I can tell is the pouring blood won’t stop.  And she won’t let me look in there.  But all I can see is blood spewing out.

I call the dentist.  Of course, they’re closed.  Thankfully, their wonderful pediatric dentist has her cell phone on the answering machine in case of an emergency.  I called her.  She says she’d meet me tonight, or wait until the morning.  Finally, I get her to calm down.  I choose morning after talking to the dentist and getting Big Girl calmed down.

Big Girl of course, won’t eat dinner.  Won’t take a shower.  Won’t brush her teeth.

So of course, Boy doesn’t want to do any of it either.

Finally: bed time.

Wednesday 3/21/2012:

12:05AM – (puke, puke, puke) (cry, cry, cry) (puke, puke, puke) (cry, cry, cry)

Holy hell.

My son has just exorcist puked everywhere.  All over his bed, all down his bed, all over himself.  All over his floor, all around his room, and all over the bathroom, toilet, and floor.  So disgusting.

This has been the best six hours of my life.  (As I roll my eyes…)

I finally get him cleaned up.  And the floor.  And his bed stripped of bedding.  And the bathroom cleaned.  And a load of laundry started.  Then he wants to sleep with me.  No f’ing way.  Are you kidding me?!  Puke Pants McGee?  In my bed?  I don’t f’ing think so.  Instead I say, “You can sleep on my floor buddy, right beside me, ok?  I’ll make you a little bed.”

He nods like it’s the best thing on earth!  Both my big children love to sleep on the floor (this I don’t understand, but they do it all the time! – by choice!)  So I make him a bed on the ground.  I think I fall back asleep finally around 1:30am maybe – maybe.

2Am –  I hear little feet racing across my bathroom floor.  Then I hear puke.  Here we go again.

3AM – Puke.

4AM – Puke.

5AM – Puke.  And more puke.

6AM – Puke.

7AM – Puke.

8AM – Puke.  Headed to dentist with Big Girl.

9AM – Thankfully, from what the x-ray shows, Big Girl only chipped a tooth.  But, from how swollen her mouth is, dentist can’t see much else.  She won’t do anything until next appointment.  Until then, good luck.  See you next week.  Great :/

3:15PM – Doctor with all 3 kids, for Boy.  Strep test.  Negative – thank God.  Even though Big Girl just had strep.  Woo hoo!   Just a stomach bug. Gross.

Thursday 3/22/2012

Big Girl stayed home.  Forced Boy to go to school.  No fever, no pukes.  But we missed the bus.  So I drive him.  Still have Big Girl home.  She kinda gets on my nerves all day.  She’s bored with being home for the second day in a row.  I had to pack for me, my hubby, and Baby Girl to head to Maryland for the night.  Big kids went to their dad’s after school so we could head to Maryland for the viewing and funeral.

8PM – Arrived at hotel in Maryland.

8:20PM – Left for funeral home for the viewing.

Friday 3/24/2012

11AM – Funeral for my cousin.  Who was about six months older than I was.  That’s it.  He was born only six months earlier than I was.  And he took his own life.  We grew up together.  It makes me so sad.  And mad that he could do that to his family.  To his children.  To his mother.  And sisters.  And the rest of his friends and family.  And everyone dealing with the fallout of it.  He got to escape the pain, all the while pushing it onto others.  It’s selfish really.

3PM – Finally heading home.  DC traffic on a Friday?  Gross.

7PM – Finally home.  Paradise.  Hubby and I talk about how wonderful it is to be at home.  What a great life we have together.  How magical it is to be home.

Praying for a better week…

I feel like someone is playing a mean trick on me…

Well, I haven’t written in awhile.  Thankfully, my Aunt Seashell wrote today (check out her awesome blog here) about how she hasn’t written in awhile either, and it made me feel not so bad.  I’ve been battling the sickness back and forth with my kiddos.  My Big Girl and my Baby Girl both have been sick since last week.  And gross sick.  Big Girl has had strep for almost a week.  We found out last night her first antibiotic isn’t working.  She’s still running a 101 fever.  So today we were able to start antibiotic number two.  Hopefully this one helps.  So after almost a week with strep, she is also barking like a seal now when she coughs.  She had a field trip today at school, which she missed, because she couldn’t even go to school, due to the fever she was running – once again – this morning.

Baby Girl has been sick on and off since last week too.  She got real sick last week and was seen by the doctor.  They strep tested her on Friday after they found out Big Girl had strep, but Baby Girl’s came back as negative (woo hoo!).  The doctor said her disgustingness was likely due to either teething or a cold, either way, he couldn’t give her medicine due to the fact that she was only six months and had no signs of infection.  That was Friday.  Saturday and Sunday she took a turn for the worse.  Then of course Monday, she got miraculously better.  Today, again, worse.

I feel like someone is playing a mean trick on me.  I feel like someone is wondering when I’m going to give up, wondering how much more I can take or something.  It feels like someone is doing this on purpose.  It’s literally like one thing after another, with nothing going away, even with antibiotics, things are getting worse and not better.

Here it is, two in the afternoon, and I’m finally sitting down for the first time today.  I’ve done so much stupid work around the house.  I still have so much stupid work to do.  I still have sick children.  I have a boy coming home from school in an hour.  I have a husband with a super sale at work this week, meaning I’ll barely see him at all this week (I hate these sales because I never see him! But I do wish him the best of luck!), plus I have a TON of school work to get done…but what do I feel like doing?  Napping, couponing, catching up on the thousands of tv shows on my dvr…oh man how that would be WONDERFUL!!!!!  To not go fold laundry, to not go vacuum, sweep, mop, or clean bathrooms…any of it.  Oh the life I could dream about.

What am I talking about though?  This is the life I always dreamt about.  I’ve got it pretty damn good.  Even with sick kids and a hubby working hard all week.  At least I have a hard-working hubby and beautiful kids I actually care about taking care of when they’re sick.  And at least I have a house I can clean and clothes to put on our children’s backs.  That’s the good life.

Strep throat sucks.

My poor sweet big girl has strep throat 😦  And the amazing trooper she is – she asked to go to school this morning!

She loves school.  And she never wants to miss a single day.  Last year in kindergarten, she didn’t miss a single day.  This year, she’s missed about three days I think.  And she’s hated every day of it.  Even on a day that she has had strep throat, she wanted to go to school.  What an amazing little girl!

Unfortunately this morning, Baby Girl woke up sick too.  Thankfully I have an awesome friend that works at the doctor’s office I take the kids too, and she helped me out today.  She took Big Girl back and ran her strep test, and it came back positive before we even had to see the doctor. So because Big Girl didn’t have to see the doctor, my friend switched the appointments for the girls, and got Baby Girl in to see the doctor instead of Big Girl.  He wanted to get her strep tested because her throat was red and Big Girl’s test came back positive.

Thank God Baby Girl’s test came back negative.  I can’t have two girls with strep throat at the same time…that’s just not going to be fun at all.  I’m really hoping that Boy doesn’t get it.  Or me.  Or Hubby.

Strep throat sucks.

I shit you not (just about literally) this happened…

Holy hell could this day get any worse?!  Man if it weren’t for bad luck anymore, I wouldn’t have any lately.  What a shitty day, all too literally and not enough figuratively.

So I had a doctor’s appointment today.  I get in the van: no gas.  Gas light is on.  High freakin’ five.  And as I said in the other post, I have sick Boy home from school today with the shits.  We get to the doctor, he’s fine and dandy, playing around.  Eating pop-tarts.  Watching Transformers on his iPod.  Then we get called back into the room with the nurse.  She takes down some info, leaves the room.  About five minutes later, Boy says “I have to go to the bathroom.”  I said poop or pee?  He said “I have to pee out of my butt!”  Holy potato.  I get Baby Girl from her car seat and rush to the bathroom with him.

We get into the bathroom and guess what?  He had shit his pants.  So I bend down to pull his pants and boxers off, with one arm mind you because Baby Girl is in the other arm, and I throw his shitty boxers in the trash.  He yelled and got upset.  He liked them and didn’t want them thrown away.  I say we can’t keep shitting boxers, buddy, sorry.  Then we spend 20 minutes (no joke) in the bathroom.  It smells so bad in there from his shit I feel like I could puke.  The whole time we are in there, the doctor is waiting for me in the hall…oops.

Finally I get seen and we leave and we get in the car.  Everyone gets buckled, I call hubby and tell him how it went.  Then I get pissed because some dumb bitch parked her van behind me to where I can’t leave.  Hubby says “tell her to move.”  I can’t, no one is in it.  Holy penis Batman.  So hubby says, “walk in all the businesses and ask someone if it’s theirs.”  Umm yeah…I don’t think so.  I’m not carrying around a bucket car seat all over these office parks to announce to random ass strangers their crappy van is blocking me in.  I get really irritated now.  Here comes the dumb ass 10 minutes later.  I want to yell “thanks for blocking me in you a-hole!”  But I don’t.  Instead, I thank God and get the hell out of there.

I drop my prescriptions off at Walgreens (got my crazy meds upped! 🙂 woo hoo!) and then we head to Target to kill some time before I pick my meds back up to go home.  As we are walking around Target, the doctor calls.  Boy forgot his iPod.  Crap, we have to go get it.

After checking out of Target, I go pick up my prescriptions, only to find the cash I was going to use from my change at Target wasn’t there.  WTF?  Where did it go?  Oh, cashier with the biggest afro I’ve ever seen in real life at Target never gave it to me.  Great!  I paid with a $100 bill.  Crap sauce.  Back to Target we go.  I drag screaming Baby Girl out of the car, and fight Boy on getting out because he thinks he can stay in the car and play with his new toy he got.  No sir, let’s go.  But Mom just one more second!  No Boy, out now!  I go in and get my change.  Thankfully the guy was super nice and just gave it right back and said now that I mentioned it, he didn’t remember giving me back my cash.  Well no shit, that’s why I’m here…

So after heading BACK to Target again, I head BACK to the doctor for Boy’s iPod.  Nurse said she’d leave it up front at the desk.  Easy enough, right?  I run it to grab it.  No one’s seen it or heard anything about an iPod.  The nurse that called me was on lunch break.  Are you f’ing kidding me right now?!  Front desk lady says, well what’s your name again?  I tell her, then she sees an envelope with my name on it.  Bingo.  Thanks beotch.  Peace.

Oh damn!  I forgot.  About twenty freakin’ miles ago when I left the house and drove back and forth and back and forth a million times, I needed gas…I suck at life today.

I get home.  Realize I forgot to go to the bank…

Day Two…

And so it begins…

1:30am – Head to bed.

5:20am – Up with Baby Girl.  Come downstairs, make her a bottle.  Get her back to sleep.

5:35am – Back to bed.  Hubby is crazy coughing.  Won’t stop.  😦

6:11am – Text from the ex.  “Boy is sick today.”  I reply, “stomach?”  I get back a yes.  He’s been puking since 5am.

7am – I finally get out of bed, not being able to sleep between Baby Girl and Hubby’s coughs.

7:30am – Coffee.  Computer.  Quiet.  Wow.

7:33am – Started writing on here.  Expecting Boy to burst through the door at any minute.  Hoping puke isn’t bursting out of his mouth.  Or shit from his ass.  Please dear God, let it be an easier day.

I have a doctor’s appointment for myself today to get my crazy pill adjusted and get some pain meds for my back.  Now, not only do I get to take a cranky, puking baby, I also get to take a puking 5-year-old boy.  YAY ME!!!!!


Hello world!

Bare with me all, as I figure out this world of blogging…I have no clue what I’m doing.

Plus, I’ve had a horrible day; and I’m writing this at 12:14am while my husband snores away beside me.  And I just got my almost 6-month-old asleep.  Yes, just now.  Well, like 15 minutes ago.  But my day started out a little something like this…

all night long – fighting Baby Girl (5 1/2 months old) to go to, and stay, asleep as she pukes all over me, all over her floor and our bed like five times.

6:22am – Text from the ex-husband “Big Girl is sick and can’t go to school can you keep her or do I need to?” (we are divorced and share custody week-on/week-off) so of course I text back and say yes I’ll keep her.  (They come to me after school everyday anyway, even on his weeks, so she’d be here anyway later…plus I’m her mother!  Of course I want her when she’s sick!)

7:52am – Big Girl is dropped off by ex to me at my house.  He tells me she woke up at 3am and shit her pants while puking.  Fun times already.  Hmmm…maybe I should’ve said no… (lol)

9something am – First shitting episode.

11something am – Second shitting episode for Big Girl (oh, and she’s 6 by the way and needs help cleaning up herself when her ass explodes in the toilet, down her pants, or wherever she manages to be when it comes pouring out).

This whole time…baby is puking randomly.  Jealous yet?

12pm – I realize I have children’s pepto.  The stomach Gods must have just woken up.  Lucky bastards.

3pm – Boy (who’s 5 and diagnosed with bad OCD and anxiety) gets home from school.

3:05pm – Fighting Boy to sit down to do schoolwork.

3:15pm – Still fighting Boy to do homework, while Big Girl rubs it in his face that she’s been home watching movies and playing games with Mommy.  All the while, Baby Girl is in her highchair screaming.  Not fussing, just screaming.  She’s found her voice.  Makes for excellent background noise (can’t you just hear my sarcasm…)

4pm – Homework is finally done by Boy.  High five.  Baby Girl needs a nap.  Won’t take one.  So she cries and whines until I’m able to put her down again later.

5pm – Big Girl and Boy leave with father.  Big Girl screams “No!  I want to stay with Mommy!”  Hardest thing I’ve had to do is tell her it’s a Daddy day.  She doesn’t feel good.  She wants her momma.

5:05pm – Ex gets them both out the door.  Time for Baby Girl to nap.  Oh, and by the way, she takes 20 minute naps.  Just long enough for me to come out of her room and get started on something.  Then she wakes up.

7pm – Call the hubby.  “I’m busy, can’t talk, call you back.”  Click.

7:42pm – Hubby calls, he’s on his way home.  But in a bad mood.  He’s been sick too.  Man do I have the life this week.

8:30pm – Dinner’s done.  Woo hoo.  Steak and potatoes.  My hubby cooks a mean steak.

9pm – Hubby: “I’m going to bed, I still don’t feel well.”  I take Baby Girl to the bath to get the sweet potatoes off of her face from her dinner.

9:30pm – Baby Girl is in bed.  Yay!

10pm – Baby Girl is up.  Holy penis 😦

11pm – Baby Girl still up.  Hubby sleeping.  I’m irritated.

12 pm – Baby Girl is finally asleep.  I need to vent.  I find this blog.

I will probably be up all night now.  Playing with this blog.  Doing school work for my second degree.  Fighting Baby Girl to sleep while she pukes on me as my hubby snores me out of the house.

And that’s how this starts…