Posted on March 29, 2013 by It's Three Against One

I don’t get it. Spring break? I don’t think so. Those two words (put together) are not in the SAHM’s vocabulary. At least not this SAHM. No freaking way. Nope. Not in the slightest.

My week? It’s already looking like a little slice of hell served on a dish. Make that a platter, served by the devil himself. I’m already dreading it. This weekend won’t be so bad. Tonight, my children are doing sleepovers. I have my niece over spending the night with Big Girl, and they’ll be okay. But Baby Girl is running a fever of 101.8 last time I checked (pre-Motrin), now she’s down (during Motring), but currently very moody (is it too early for PMS at 19 months old?). The constant crying if I’m not holding her just adds a little background noise if I get bored, right?

Now, my son…he’s a whole different story himself. Fresh off the bus, I notice he has on a different pair of pants than I sent him to school in. And these sweatpants that do not belong to him are extremely over-sized, unbearably ugly and about to fall off his skinny little size tiny body. Boy is in first grade, is six, and is turning seven this July. My first thought is, “oh holy hell, he peed his pants at school. Or worse, he took a dump in them. WTF.” So I say, “what happened to your pants, buddy?” He said, “I just spilled something on my pants at school, that’s all.” Whew. What a relief. At least I don’t have that kid. You know. That one.

Then I ask him if he wants to spend the night with his cousin for his birthday. Let me remind you, Boy has major social anxiety. He does not bode well in social settings, and his cousin does not attend the same elementary school he does. So Boy will not know these children his cousin has coming over. His cousin’s friends are not Boy’s friends. This will cause a major disruption in Boy’s brain, and cause all kinds of electric currents to go off in his brain and things will be going haywire in there. Good luck to my brother and his wife. When you flip out because you can’t find Boy because he’s done his normal flipping out and running and hiding, because he can’t handle the pressure of the social scene, odds are, he will be hiding under a bed, in a closet, or behind a piece of furniture. Good luck to you. Oh, and tell your sanity good riddance as well. At least I sent him with his iPod, so he can FaceTime me when he needs to chat. So, I expect no sleep tonight, because I will be on the phone with him nonstop. He won’t want to leave, but he won’t want to get off FaceTime with me either. I’m already smiling from the excitement. Woo-hoo! (Enter sarcasm here.)

Oh, here comes Big Girl asking if her friend can spend the night as well. Yay me!

And did I forget to mention, I’m now the soccer coach for Big Girl’s soccer team? Yep, yours truly is coaching her U8 soccer team. And I don’t know one f’ing thing about soccer. I know your supposed to stay on the field (and I now know it’s called a field, after I called it a court the other day and got told that it definitely was NOT a court – it was a field!) and I know you are supposed to try to kick it into the goal, and not use your hands. That is the extent of my knowledge of soccer. Beyond that, I know nothing. So, good luck to me! And with my luck, I’m not even starting at a young age, I’m starting where the parents are going to want a competitive coach and the kids probably know a lot, and have been playing for a couple years. Where we are from, soccer is pretty big (at least in this county). So I figure I’m going to spend most of my season being yelled at by my parents. I haven’t gotten a chance to hold practice yet, because we were rained out this past week. And next week (spring break) I will be out of town on our regularly scheduled practice night, and so will my assistant coach (my sister), so we are moving the practice to Tuesday nights, and the forecast is calling for rain. Our first game is the following Saturday. All with no practice it’s looking like. WINNERS!

Back to spring break. Here’s how mine is shaping up to be:

Monday: