What I do? Really? Are you kidding me?!

You want a little bit of information on me?  That’s a loaded question.  Be careful handing me a loaded gun asking such things!  Shame on you…people should know better!  Don’t ask such hard questions to such busy-headed minds!  So, where to start?

So I just had to submit a short bio for something, and it went a little something like this…

Hi!  My name is _________.  I’m a full-time mother of three children (8, almost 7, and 1 1/2).  I am a full-time wife, chef, housekeeper, dry cleaner (minus the ironing), chauffeur, homework specialist, zookeeper, circus ringleader, plate twirler, veterinarian to a stinky English bulldog, school chaperone, school volunteer, and most importantly a juggler of anything important, incredibly valuable and extremely breakable, or just a juggler of all things at one time (things you can’t actually juggle).  On the side, I go to school part time to finish my degree, I coach my daughter’s soccer team, while attending all of my son’s soccer practices and games as well, and maintaining all of his social anxiety/OCD therapy sessions on a weekly and bi-monthly schedule at two-different places.  Also, I have an ex-husband to throw into the mix.  And my current husband works a lot.  If I’m lucky, we get him home on a Sunday, mostly we get Tuesday.  Seeing that I get absolutely no time to myself, my venting is blogging.  A lot of it may seem negative, but I’m not a negative person.  That’s just my only outlet.  It’s my only escape – I can’t yell at my kids, my husband or the dog when I have a bad day.  So it goes into the computer.  

I feel like that doesn’t even begin to cover half of what I do!  HA!  🙂  Thanks to you fellow readers that stick with it through it all!

 

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I want to kick some ass with Alex Cross!

Anything having to do with the written word has always fascinated me.  I love it.  English is a breeze for me.  Words are like air to me.  English is like breathing.  I’ve never had a problem with it.  I aced every English and literary class consistently throughout each grade and level of schooling I took.  So naturally, reading is a great love of mine.

What I like about books is there is no judgement.  You know the old saying, “You can’t judge a book by it’s cover?”  Well, the saying is correct.  Books, unless non-fiction, cannot be deemed right or wrong.  No one can tell you how, where, when, and who to write a book to and for.  Characters, places, events and themes are all made up as you go along, or they can be carefully planned out.  The point is: it doesn’t matter.  There is no set time, place, or person to impress.  (I know there are writers out there who do it for a living and obviously have to impress to make a living, but I’m sure you can comprehend the point I’m trying to make.)  I’m definitely beyond jealous of these people.  Incredibly jealous.  Reading and writing is a huge passion of mine.

Currently, I am on a tremendous James Patterson kick, reading the Alex Cross series.  Why has no one EVER told me about these in the past?!  And more to the point: how did these slip by me?!  Reading, writing, and gross disgusting crime scene blood and guts and rolled into one?!  Now that is more like it.  That is me ALL. THE. WAY.  Someone get James Patterson on the phone.  I want to meet him.  Now.  He is my hero.  I want to kick some ass with Alex Cross!

I just finished Double Cross and I am just starting Cross Country.  I have read all of his books, starting from Along Came a Spider and Kiss the Girls, all the way up to Cross Country in just a few short weeks on my kindle touch.  I seriously can’t put them down – when I find them time to read!  When I have some time to myself, that is what I find myself doing, sitting down holding my kindle.  I don’t go anywhere without my kindle and my phone.  I won’t go upstairs or downstairs in my own house without it; I won’t leave the house without it; I’ve become addicted, all thanks to Mr. Patterson.  He is like a drug.  He feeds my addiction to disgusting crime scene stuff through the use of my passion of words.  What a powerful combination.  He knows how to get to me.  Good job, James.  Good job.

It’s been a VERY long time!

Wow it’s been a seriously long time!  I just looked at my last post.  June 2012.  That was 9-10 months ago.  I am terrible.  Wow.  What a loser I am!

Things have definitely changed a lot since then!  Wow have they changed!  Life has gotten a lot – if you can believe this – CRAZIER!

I know that is the last word you were probably expecting.  Me, using the word crazy – really?!  Ha, it’s only my personal motto.  If we were like cartoons and had clouds floating above our heads with one word in it describing our personalities, mine cloud would definitely SHOUT “CRAZY!!!!!”

But that’s the fun part.  You never know what crazy you’re going to get!  Ha!  My poor hubby.  But he loves me so.  And thank God for him.  He truly is a blessing.  He’s a Godsend.  What a life that man has given us.  I thank God for him.  He’s an angel.  Love that man more than life.

Back to the story, things have changed so much.  We moved into a bigger house.

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The new house!

Also, we got a much longer custody with the big kids than we had before.

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The big kiddos in the snow 🙂

All of these things have happened to be way better life improvements!  Definitely amazing ones to say the least.  Also in there, we started a new school year, had Thanksgiving, Christmas during which time we were moving.  Yep, we tackled moving over the busiest time of the year.  That was fun.  But it was also a blessing to be in the new house and host, yes host, Thanksgiving in our new house for the first time ever, and have Christmas in the new house.  It was glorious.

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Christmas in the new house.

It finally feels like this crazy life is starting to fall into place.  I mean, things are still crazy as hell all around, but I wouldn’t have it any other way, no would I?!  Crazy is my middle name, isn’t it?

As crazy as it is, I’d love to start posting more.  I will be on the computer more now, as I will be starting to go back to school to finish up my degree.  I have an AA in Liberal Arts, but I’m going back for a bachelor’s degree, finally!  That’s right, crazy is growing up!  Well, crazy is a grown up, but crazy is going to finally act like it!  (Well…maybe.)

Last freakin’ week was a BUMMER!

What a freakin’ week I had last week.  It was a BUMMER.

Sunday 3/18/2012:

It started off with a phone call from my momma last weekend bright and early in the morning, “I’m heading to Baltimore.  Your cousin Brian committed suicide.”

Of course, the first words out of my mouth were, “Do I need to come up there?”

No, no I don’t, she tells me.  I don’t have to go.  They don’t know what’s happening yet.  They don’t know yet if there’s even going to be a funeral.  It all is still fresh, she doesn’t know much else, but she’s heading to Baltimore as soon as my aunt came in from Richmond.  They were riding together to head to Baltimore to hold my other aunt’s hand.  Poor woman.  I couldn’t imagine.  Her only son.  She is the one that found him hanging there, too.  I don’t know what I would’ve done.  But I do believe she’s braver than I am.  I don’t know that I’d still be walking if I were in that situation.

Tuesday night 3/20/2012:

(Hysterical sobbing coming through the front door)  “Ummm, she fell.”  Says one of neighborhood kids.

My poor Big Girl.  Bloody, messy road rash from around her eyebrow bone down to her chin.  Mouth pouring blood.  Hobbling on one leg.  Knee pouring blood too.  Wonderful.

The hysterical crying goes on for a good thirty minutes.  I can’t see inside her mouth, all I can tell is the pouring blood won’t stop.  And she won’t let me look in there.  But all I can see is blood spewing out.

I call the dentist.  Of course, they’re closed.  Thankfully, their wonderful pediatric dentist has her cell phone on the answering machine in case of an emergency.  I called her.  She says she’d meet me tonight, or wait until the morning.  Finally, I get her to calm down.  I choose morning after talking to the dentist and getting Big Girl calmed down.

Big Girl of course, won’t eat dinner.  Won’t take a shower.  Won’t brush her teeth.

So of course, Boy doesn’t want to do any of it either.

Finally: bed time.

Wednesday 3/21/2012:

12:05AM – (puke, puke, puke) (cry, cry, cry) (puke, puke, puke) (cry, cry, cry)

Holy hell.

My son has just exorcist puked everywhere.  All over his bed, all down his bed, all over himself.  All over his floor, all around his room, and all over the bathroom, toilet, and floor.  So disgusting.

This has been the best six hours of my life.  (As I roll my eyes…)

I finally get him cleaned up.  And the floor.  And his bed stripped of bedding.  And the bathroom cleaned.  And a load of laundry started.  Then he wants to sleep with me.  No f’ing way.  Are you kidding me?!  Puke Pants McGee?  In my bed?  I don’t f’ing think so.  Instead I say, “You can sleep on my floor buddy, right beside me, ok?  I’ll make you a little bed.”

He nods like it’s the best thing on earth!  Both my big children love to sleep on the floor (this I don’t understand, but they do it all the time! – by choice!)  So I make him a bed on the ground.  I think I fall back asleep finally around 1:30am maybe – maybe.

2Am –  I hear little feet racing across my bathroom floor.  Then I hear puke.  Here we go again.

3AM – Puke.

4AM – Puke.

5AM – Puke.  And more puke.

6AM – Puke.

7AM – Puke.

8AM – Puke.  Headed to dentist with Big Girl.

9AM – Thankfully, from what the x-ray shows, Big Girl only chipped a tooth.  But, from how swollen her mouth is, dentist can’t see much else.  She won’t do anything until next appointment.  Until then, good luck.  See you next week.  Great :/

3:15PM – Doctor with all 3 kids, for Boy.  Strep test.  Negative – thank God.  Even though Big Girl just had strep.  Woo hoo!   Just a stomach bug. Gross.

Thursday 3/22/2012

Big Girl stayed home.  Forced Boy to go to school.  No fever, no pukes.  But we missed the bus.  So I drive him.  Still have Big Girl home.  She kinda gets on my nerves all day.  She’s bored with being home for the second day in a row.  I had to pack for me, my hubby, and Baby Girl to head to Maryland for the night.  Big kids went to their dad’s after school so we could head to Maryland for the viewing and funeral.

8PM – Arrived at hotel in Maryland.

8:20PM – Left for funeral home for the viewing.

Friday 3/24/2012

11AM – Funeral for my cousin.  Who was about six months older than I was.  That’s it.  He was born only six months earlier than I was.  And he took his own life.  We grew up together.  It makes me so sad.  And mad that he could do that to his family.  To his children.  To his mother.  And sisters.  And the rest of his friends and family.  And everyone dealing with the fallout of it.  He got to escape the pain, all the while pushing it onto others.  It’s selfish really.

3PM – Finally heading home.  DC traffic on a Friday?  Gross.

7PM – Finally home.  Paradise.  Hubby and I talk about how wonderful it is to be at home.  What a great life we have together.  How magical it is to be home.

Praying for a better week…

I feel like someone is playing a mean trick on me…

Well, I haven’t written in awhile.  Thankfully, my Aunt Seashell wrote today (check out her awesome blog here) about how she hasn’t written in awhile either, and it made me feel not so bad.  I’ve been battling the sickness back and forth with my kiddos.  My Big Girl and my Baby Girl both have been sick since last week.  And gross sick.  Big Girl has had strep for almost a week.  We found out last night her first antibiotic isn’t working.  She’s still running a 101 fever.  So today we were able to start antibiotic number two.  Hopefully this one helps.  So after almost a week with strep, she is also barking like a seal now when she coughs.  She had a field trip today at school, which she missed, because she couldn’t even go to school, due to the fever she was running – once again – this morning.

Baby Girl has been sick on and off since last week too.  She got real sick last week and was seen by the doctor.  They strep tested her on Friday after they found out Big Girl had strep, but Baby Girl’s came back as negative (woo hoo!).  The doctor said her disgustingness was likely due to either teething or a cold, either way, he couldn’t give her medicine due to the fact that she was only six months and had no signs of infection.  That was Friday.  Saturday and Sunday she took a turn for the worse.  Then of course Monday, she got miraculously better.  Today, again, worse.

I feel like someone is playing a mean trick on me.  I feel like someone is wondering when I’m going to give up, wondering how much more I can take or something.  It feels like someone is doing this on purpose.  It’s literally like one thing after another, with nothing going away, even with antibiotics, things are getting worse and not better.

Here it is, two in the afternoon, and I’m finally sitting down for the first time today.  I’ve done so much stupid work around the house.  I still have so much stupid work to do.  I still have sick children.  I have a boy coming home from school in an hour.  I have a husband with a super sale at work this week, meaning I’ll barely see him at all this week (I hate these sales because I never see him! But I do wish him the best of luck!), plus I have a TON of school work to get done…but what do I feel like doing?  Napping, couponing, catching up on the thousands of tv shows on my dvr…oh man how that would be WONDERFUL!!!!!  To not go fold laundry, to not go vacuum, sweep, mop, or clean bathrooms…any of it.  Oh the life I could dream about.

What am I talking about though?  This is the life I always dreamt about.  I’ve got it pretty damn good.  Even with sick kids and a hubby working hard all week.  At least I have a hard-working hubby and beautiful kids I actually care about taking care of when they’re sick.  And at least I have a house I can clean and clothes to put on our children’s backs.  That’s the good life.

Strep throat sucks.

My poor sweet big girl has strep throat 😦  And the amazing trooper she is – she asked to go to school this morning!

She loves school.  And she never wants to miss a single day.  Last year in kindergarten, she didn’t miss a single day.  This year, she’s missed about three days I think.  And she’s hated every day of it.  Even on a day that she has had strep throat, she wanted to go to school.  What an amazing little girl!

Unfortunately this morning, Baby Girl woke up sick too.  Thankfully I have an awesome friend that works at the doctor’s office I take the kids too, and she helped me out today.  She took Big Girl back and ran her strep test, and it came back positive before we even had to see the doctor. So because Big Girl didn’t have to see the doctor, my friend switched the appointments for the girls, and got Baby Girl in to see the doctor instead of Big Girl.  He wanted to get her strep tested because her throat was red and Big Girl’s test came back positive.

Thank God Baby Girl’s test came back negative.  I can’t have two girls with strep throat at the same time…that’s just not going to be fun at all.  I’m really hoping that Boy doesn’t get it.  Or me.  Or Hubby.

Strep throat sucks.

Responsibility sucks a big fat one.

I am supposed to be doing my school work right now.  I seriously just don’t feel like it.

I don’t feel like reading, I don’t feel like writing (about stupid business) and I definitely don’t feel like watching the videos and taking tests on everything for the week.  It’s all stupid.  And I just don’t feel like it.

I feel like taking my medicine and crawling into bed actually.  I’ve had the worst headache and backache today.  But I can’t just yet.  Not when kids are relying on you…I can’t just pop on into bed whenever I feel like it, which sucks, because I seriously could crawl into bed for about the next week or so!  Damn that would be nice!

Instead of climbing into bed, or doing my school work, I’m drinking a wonderful alcoholic beverage, watching idol from Tuesday, and blogging.  All of this while the baby sleeps and I can actually get something done without holding her.  Or hearing her cry.  Or having to feed her.  Or just without having to do anything for anyone else right now.

Oh the joys of drinking.  I love it.  It would be nice to be irresponsible and become an alcoholic.  Well, not an actual alcoholic, but just to have the carefreeness of them, just for a day.  Just being able to drink all day and night without a care in the world.  Wow that would feel nice right now.  Responsibility sucks a big fat one.  I don’t like it.  I wish I could just take the time to let loose and relax for just one day.  One night even.  But there is always someone there needing something that makes me not able to do it.  Not that I’d change my life for any reason whatsoever – my three babies are absolutely beautiful and I love them so much!  It’s just that one carefree night would feel great!

I can dream, can’t I?

Holy Muffin Top :(

I need to go on a diet.  Or start working out.

That’s the first time in my life I’ve ever had to say those two sentences.  Ever.

I was always considered blessed that I could eat whatever the hell I wanted, whenever I wanted.  Well, all I have to say is karma is a bitch.  I know someone out there cursed me to get me here.  Someone had to have said, “Man I just hope that skinny bitch eating all that food gets fat one day.”  Or, “Look at that skinny bitch shoving all that food in her mouth – just wait, it’ll catch up to her.”  Or even, “Please make her fat.  Now.”  So to whoever the hell you were – all I have for you is one finger.  And a big ol’ F bomb to drop.

I canNOT get rid of this baby weight.  With the first two kids, immediately afterwards, I was back to normal, wearing size 0 jeans, eating whatever I wanted.  Not exercising to stay skinny, just naturally blessed as a thin girl.  Not anymore.  It’s my turn to bitch and complain about my weight.  I’ve always had to hear about it, but never had to do it myself.  Now, I am.

So the answer is simple, right?  Work out.  Exercise.  Eat better.

Someone tell me how the f to do that, and I’ll do it.  Give me a schedule.  No, better yet.  Hire me a maid.  And a nanny.  And a personal trainer.  And while you’re at it, have someone follow me around with a fan if I’m hot, or a blanket if I’m cold, but of course, only one that has been kept warm for when I need it to be, like at the hospital.  And make sure everything around me is coated in gold.  Or better yet platinum.  Platinum and diamonds.  Yes, that’s what I want.  Platinum, diamonds, nannies (one for morning and night, per kid), maids (one per person while we’re at it and one for the dog), waiters, servers, ooohhh bartenders…yummmmm….personal bartenders.  And a personal doctor.  Not for the help, just for the medications they can prescribe.  A personal bartender and prescriptions whenever I want?!?!  Hell yeah.  That sounds much better…a little margarita here, shot of tequila there, anti-crazy pill washed down with a beer.   Now THAT sounds like fun.

Wait, am I getting off track?   What the hell was I ranting about?  Oh yeah, my muffin top.  My fat ass and huge thighs.  It’s definitely not ok.  It’s gotta go.  But let me ask: when am I supposed to do all this working out?  When I’m running around with a spoiled ass 6-month-old, who can’t be put down, who takes 20 minute naps?  While I’m trying to get my schoolwork done?  During homework time after school while I’m feeding the baby or trying to keep her from screaming at the top of her lungs while Boy says, “I can’t do my homework when she’s screaming like that!  I can’t concentrate!”  While I’m pushing a vacuum around, holding a baby, trying to shoo the dog away from the vacuum…Or when I’m making dinner for 3 kids and trying to be a referee as well?  It’s like I work in an f’ing circus.  I’m a ring leader.  It’s an open animal barn.  Everyone strap on a helmet and hope for the best.  Make sure you don’t step in dog pee or dog piss along the way.  And who knows what you’re eating.  Just close your eyes and shut up.

I’m thinking the best thing for me is diet pills.  Or prayer.  Or just plain dumb luck.  Or maybe the weight Gods will focus on someone else for awhile…