I don’t get it.  Spring break?  I don’t think so.  Those two words (put together) are not in the SAHM’s vocabulary.  At least not this SAHM.  No freaking way.  Nope.  Not in the slightest.

My week?  It’s already looking like a little slice of hell served on a dish.  Make that a platter, served by the devil himself.  I’m already dreading it.  This weekend won’t be so bad.  Tonight, my children are doing sleepovers.  I have my niece over spending the night with Big Girl, and they’ll be okay.  But Baby Girl is running a fever of 101.8 last time I checked (pre-Motrin), now she’s down (during Motring), but currently very moody (is it too early for PMS at 19 months old?).  The constant crying if I’m not holding her just adds a little background noise if I get bored, right?

Now, my son…he’s a whole different story himself.  Fresh off the bus, I notice he has on a different pair of pants than I sent him to school in.  And these sweatpants that do not belong to him are extremely over-sized, unbearably ugly and about to fall off his skinny little size tiny body.  Boy is in first grade, is six, and is turning seven this July.  My first thought is, “oh holy hell, he peed his pants at school.  Or worse, he took a dump in them.  WTF.”  So I say, “what happened to your pants, buddy?”  He said, “I just spilled something on my pants at school, that’s all.”  Whew.  What a relief.  At least I don’t have that kid.  You know.  That one.

Then I ask him if he wants to spend the night with his cousin for his birthday.  Let me remind you, Boy has major social anxiety.  He does not bode well in social settings, and his cousin does not attend the same elementary school he does.  So Boy will not know these children his cousin has coming over.  His cousin’s friends are not Boy’s friends.  This will cause a major disruption in Boy’s brain, and cause all kinds of electric currents to go off in his brain and things will be going haywire in there.  Good luck to my brother and his wife. When you flip out because you can’t find Boy because he’s done his normal flipping out and running and hiding, because he can’t handle the pressure of the social scene, odds are, he will be hiding under a bed, in a closet, or behind a piece of furniture.  Good luck to you.  Oh, and tell your sanity good riddance as well.  At least I sent him with his iPod, so he can FaceTime me when he needs to chat.  So, I expect no sleep tonight, because I will be on the phone with him nonstop.  He won’t want to leave, but he won’t want to get off FaceTime with me either.  I’m already smiling from the excitement.  Woo-hoo!  (Enter sarcasm here.)

Oh, here comes Big Girl asking if her friend can spend the night as well.  Yay me!

And did I forget to mention, I’m now the soccer coach for Big Girl’s soccer team?  Yep, yours truly is coaching her U8 soccer team.  And I don’t know one f’ing thing about soccer.  I know your supposed to stay on the field (and I now know it’s called a field, after I called it a court the other day and got told that it definitely was NOT a court – it was a field!) and I know you are supposed to try to kick it into the goal, and not use your hands.  That is the extent of my knowledge of soccer.  Beyond that, I know nothing.  So, good luck to me!  And with my luck, I’m not even starting at a young age, I’m starting where the parents are going to want a competitive coach and the kids probably know a lot, and have been playing for a couple years.  Where we are from, soccer is pretty big (at least in this county).  So I figure I’m going to spend most of my season being yelled at by my parents.  I haven’t gotten a chance to hold practice yet, because we were rained out this past week.  And next week (spring break) I will be out of town on our regularly scheduled practice night, and so will my assistant coach (my sister), so we are moving the practice to Tuesday nights, and the forecast is calling for rain.  Our first game is the following Saturday.  All with no practice it’s looking like.  WINNERS!

Back to spring break.  Here’s how mine is shaping up to be:

Monday:

9am-12pm: Big Girl – soccer camp

6pm-7pm: Boy – boy scouts

Tuesday:

9am-12pm: Big Girl – soccer camp

5:30pm-7pm: soccer practice (if it doesn’t rain)

Wednesday:

9am-12pm: Big Girl – soccer camp

1pm-3pm: Big Girl’s friend’s birthday party

7pm – Maroon 5 concert in DC (and I have floor seats baby!! Best part of the week!  I get to see the man of my dreams Adam Levine!)

Big Girl has a sleepover

Thursday:

8am-8:30am – pick Big Girl up from sleepover

9am-12pm: Big Girl – soccer camp

Friday:

9am-12pm: Big Girl – soccer camp

1pm – Take Big Girl and Baby Girl to my mom

3pm – Boy has psychiatric appointment at UVA (for his social anxiety – he has check-ups every two months)

Big Girl has another sleepover

Saturday:

2pm – Boy has counseling

sometime (haven’t gotten the schedule yet) our first soccer game

Sunday:

Easter – Family gathering – may require either Xanax or drinking.  Probably heavy drinking after the week I’ve had.  Or just a Xanax.  Who knows?  I guess time will tell.

my crazy calendar the week of spring break (and the rest of the month actually!)

my crazy calendar the week of spring break (and the rest of the month actually!)

Anyway, that is how my so-called “Spring Break” is looking – as of today.  I feel like everyday it’s changing, every day something new is happening and my calendar is growing and growing.  I was supposed to be heading to the beach for a relaxing vacation.  Doesn’t look so relaxing, now does it?  But then again, motherhood isn’t relaxing when you have three children ages 7 and under.

A three ring f’ing circus.

Don’t get me wrong – I am not all negative all the time.  I LOVE my life.  I have an amazing life, and I laugh everyday until I cry.  I have it great.  I have the best kids and husband ever.  My dog is okay, but he can be a bastard face a lot of the times.

I just post a lot of negative things on here because this is my outlet.  This is where I vent.  I can’t vent to my kids – obviously – because I’m usually complaining about something they did!  And I’m definitely not going to be that mom that complains to her kids, yells at them, and makes them feel like little pieces of shit, because they definitely don’t deserve that.  They’re amazing.  And they’re actually incredibly well behaved and awesome kids.  I’m so proud of the way they’re turning out.

I just write a lot of negative crap because I can.  I can complain on here.  I can voice my opinion, my thoughts and fears, and announce my irritations to the world.  To anyone besides my kids.  That’s basically what it comes down to.

Now that I’ve said all that…

I’m taking the kids to the movies today to see The Lorax.  I can’t wait.  Know why?  Because they’re so excited they’re driving me f’ing crazy. They’re bouncing off the walls, couches, and everything else they’re not supposed to be doing, because they’re so excited they can’t stand themselves.  Little bastards.  (Just kidding!)  But seriously, everytime I tell them we’re doing something and they get crazy excited, they start becoming maniacs.  I just had to yell at my daughter, who is incredibly well behaved in almost the perfect way, because she was jumping from the coffee table to the couch, and vice versa.  What the f—?  I definitely didn’t raise them to be doing that.  At this time – that’s when I’m grateful for my crazy pills.  Whoever invented them is a freaking genius.  And my new lover.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.  Sometimes it’s like a three ring f’ing circus around here.  With three kids, who are six, five and six months, and a one-year-old stubborn ass English bulldog, it gets insane.  Like crazy insane.  When one is sick, tired, hyper, in a bad mood…anything ranging from good to bad, everything around here changes dramatically.  Because when one isn’t happy, they piss the other one off on purpose constantly (the big kids).  And when the baby isn’t happy and she’s screaming and crying – no one is happy.  And when the dog gets a wild hair up his ass and becomes that instant asshole that he does randomly – no one is happy – again.

And when the hubster is home and all this craziness is happening, the poor guy goes crazy.  He can’t handle it.  He always says, “and that’s why I go to work.”  And I roll my eyes (in jealously) and wish I had a job at those times.  He’s so lucky he gets away sometimes.  Even though it’s to work.  Poor guy.  Once again – here is my daily chance – Thank you God for putting him in my life and all he does for us.  He busts his ass to support us.  And he doesn’t get thanked enough.  I tell him as much as I can.  But even thanking him everyday doesn’t do him justice I don’t think.  He’s just that amazing.  Jealous?  You should be.

And guess what my freakin’ son just did.  Hopped over the back of the couch onto the floor.  What the f.  No way.  It’s time to go.  Or time to knock them out.  Is that allowed?  Can I just knock them out until it’s movie time?  Now he’s running from one side of the couch to the other.  Time to go…

***UPDATE***

Right after I posted this, my daughter came to me and told me she wanted an MP3 player.  She has an iPod touch.  And she’s 6.  I know, spoiled rotten.  I just got so upset.  Thankfully, my medicine helps me hold back what I actually want to say (you little beotch, you have the best iPod touch there is and you’re 6, don’t be an ungrateful bastard.”  Instead, I say, “You have an MP3 player.  You have the best one they make.  It’s your iPod touch.  They don’t get any better.  Now if you’d like me to get rid of it, I’ll gladly sell it and get money for it and buy you a cheap one.  Is it not good enough for you?  Would you like a little MP3 player you can’t play games on and download games onto?”  And she said, “But I still want an MP3 player.”

Holy hell.

Responsibility sucks a big fat one.

I am supposed to be doing my school work right now.  I seriously just don’t feel like it.

I don’t feel like reading, I don’t feel like writing (about stupid business) and I definitely don’t feel like watching the videos and taking tests on everything for the week.  It’s all stupid.  And I just don’t feel like it.

I feel like taking my medicine and crawling into bed actually.  I’ve had the worst headache and backache today.  But I can’t just yet.  Not when kids are relying on you…I can’t just pop on into bed whenever I feel like it, which sucks, because I seriously could crawl into bed for about the next week or so!  Damn that would be nice!

Instead of climbing into bed, or doing my school work, I’m drinking a wonderful alcoholic beverage, watching idol from Tuesday, and blogging.  All of this while the baby sleeps and I can actually get something done without holding her.  Or hearing her cry.  Or having to feed her.  Or just without having to do anything for anyone else right now.

Oh the joys of drinking.  I love it.  It would be nice to be irresponsible and become an alcoholic.  Well, not an actual alcoholic, but just to have the carefreeness of them, just for a day.  Just being able to drink all day and night without a care in the world.  Wow that would feel nice right now.  Responsibility sucks a big fat one.  I don’t like it.  I wish I could just take the time to let loose and relax for just one day.  One night even.  But there is always someone there needing something that makes me not able to do it.  Not that I’d change my life for any reason whatsoever – my three babies are absolutely beautiful and I love them so much!  It’s just that one carefree night would feel great!

I can dream, can’t I?