I have the best friend known to man. I honestly don’t think anyone else in the world has a best friend like I do. Thankfully, she is also my sister. Well, my sister-in-law, she married my brother. But whatever – she’s my sister.
We are so much alike it’s scary. We get asked all the time if we are sisters. I really think it pisses my brother off. The poor guy. Everyone comments on how his sister and his wife are exactly the same. Poor fella.
So today, Best Friend calls me and says she really wants Chili’s for lunch. I tell her I don’t feel like it. She says Friend Test. That means I have to go. Crap sauce.
So I go, and while we are sitting at the booth, we hear Bryan Adam’s song, Summer of ’69. All of a sudden I say, “I don’t like this song.” And she asks why not. I say, “I don’t know, but it’s the only Bryan Adam’s song I don’t like.” We both busted out laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world. That’s because it was.
If you know us, everything that we do and say creates the biggest laughter in the world. We can have our own conversation, in plain English mind you, and no one else in the world can understand what we’re talking about because of our language. We comment on random ass things, we each have our own trains that run through our head, we quote Friends and Cougar Town all the time. We have our own language, including random things like: Harsh truth, wine up, pound grape, friend test, Bert, we add sauce to the end of anything; we over exaggerate, we laugh: A LOT. If anyone could ever read our texts, they’d think we were:
b) funny (if they could figure it out)
c) needing to be institutionalized
Neither one of us are very smart. Well, book smarts we have, but common sense smart we lack. And I don’t think it’s always been that way. But Mommy Brain after 3 kids each has affected us both so much. It really surprises me how neither one of us falls down more during the day. I don’t know how we get where we’re going half the time. She got lost following a line of cars – to her own house. I asked what “OR” stood for; even though it was just the word ‘or’ in capital letters. She couldn’t get her key out of the ignition, only to find out the van was still in drive and not in park. I lost my key to the van, and found it on my front step outside. I hide things from my kids and can’t even find them again. I could keep going, but I eventually need to go to sleep tonight.
I love my best friend because I know no matter what is going on, she will be by my side in heartbeat if I need her. I wouldn’t even have to say Friend Test, and I know she’d be there. But thankfully, if I ever need something that she doesn’t want to do, all I have to do is say Friend Test and she has to do it anyway. That’s what Friend Test is all about: seeing what they’ll do for you even when they don’t want to. Just like I had to go to lunch today, even though I didn’t want to. She Friend Tested me. So I had to go.
We make it a point to talk to each other daily. We keep in constant contact through endless phone calls and test messages. We make each other bust out laughing through a text. Or even through just one word. Or a look. My husband gets irritated a lot because it’s texts from the time we wake up until the time we go to bed. He says we scare him sometimes, and that we’re too much alike it’s scary. He loves her to death and she loves him to death, and thank God, because not only did he marry me, he married her as well. My brother stays in Afghanistan for 3/4 of the year, so she’s left without a husband here. So I make him be her husband too.
I told Best Friend that we need to start a blog of our own adventures together. It would definitely be comedic. We once lived together; I don’t know how we ever made it out alive. We set the microwave on fire. We never had clean clothes. You couldn’t walk through our house. Damn we’ve come such a long way. I’m so proud of us. Harsh truth Best Friend: I LOVE YOU!!!!!