I shit you not (just about literally) this happened…

Holy hell could this day get any worse?!  Man if it weren’t for bad luck anymore, I wouldn’t have any lately.  What a shitty day, all too literally and not enough figuratively.

So I had a doctor’s appointment today.  I get in the van: no gas.  Gas light is on.  High freakin’ five.  And as I said in the other post, I have sick Boy home from school today with the shits.  We get to the doctor, he’s fine and dandy, playing around.  Eating pop-tarts.  Watching Transformers on his iPod.  Then we get called back into the room with the nurse.  She takes down some info, leaves the room.  About five minutes later, Boy says “I have to go to the bathroom.”  I said poop or pee?  He said “I have to pee out of my butt!”  Holy potato.  I get Baby Girl from her car seat and rush to the bathroom with him.

We get into the bathroom and guess what?  He had shit his pants.  So I bend down to pull his pants and boxers off, with one arm mind you because Baby Girl is in the other arm, and I throw his shitty boxers in the trash.  He yelled and got upset.  He liked them and didn’t want them thrown away.  I say we can’t keep shitting boxers, buddy, sorry.  Then we spend 20 minutes (no joke) in the bathroom.  It smells so bad in there from his shit I feel like I could puke.  The whole time we are in there, the doctor is waiting for me in the hall…oops.

Finally I get seen and we leave and we get in the car.  Everyone gets buckled, I call hubby and tell him how it went.  Then I get pissed because some dumb bitch parked her van behind me to where I can’t leave.  Hubby says “tell her to move.”  I can’t, no one is in it.  Holy penis Batman.  So hubby says, “walk in all the businesses and ask someone if it’s theirs.”  Umm yeah…I don’t think so.  I’m not carrying around a bucket car seat all over these office parks to announce to random ass strangers their crappy van is blocking me in.  I get really irritated now.  Here comes the dumb ass 10 minutes later.  I want to yell “thanks for blocking me in you a-hole!”  But I don’t.  Instead, I thank God and get the hell out of there.

I drop my prescriptions off at Walgreens (got my crazy meds upped! 🙂 woo hoo!) and then we head to Target to kill some time before I pick my meds back up to go home.  As we are walking around Target, the doctor calls.  Boy forgot his iPod.  Crap, we have to go get it.

After checking out of Target, I go pick up my prescriptions, only to find the cash I was going to use from my change at Target wasn’t there.  WTF?  Where did it go?  Oh, cashier with the biggest afro I’ve ever seen in real life at Target never gave it to me.  Great!  I paid with a $100 bill.  Crap sauce.  Back to Target we go.  I drag screaming Baby Girl out of the car, and fight Boy on getting out because he thinks he can stay in the car and play with his new toy he got.  No sir, let’s go.  But Mom just one more second!  No Boy, out now!  I go in and get my change.  Thankfully the guy was super nice and just gave it right back and said now that I mentioned it, he didn’t remember giving me back my cash.  Well no shit, that’s why I’m here…

So after heading BACK to Target again, I head BACK to the doctor for Boy’s iPod.  Nurse said she’d leave it up front at the desk.  Easy enough, right?  I run it to grab it.  No one’s seen it or heard anything about an iPod.  The nurse that called me was on lunch break.  Are you f’ing kidding me right now?!  Front desk lady says, well what’s your name again?  I tell her, then she sees an envelope with my name on it.  Bingo.  Thanks beotch.  Peace.

Oh damn!  I forgot.  About twenty freakin’ miles ago when I left the house and drove back and forth and back and forth a million times, I needed gas…I suck at life today.

I get home.  Realize I forgot to go to the bank…